great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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