i need an iv and a liver transplant
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
