Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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