We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
