i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
