I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
