i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
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At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It's rum buckets o'clock
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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