I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround