i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.