You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?