I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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