well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
