i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
