i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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