Someone shit on the floor
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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