Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
