The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
