You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
