One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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