Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
