Having a random hookup so left but love u
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
