Pants 0. Shit 1.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
