DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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