I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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