If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
There are leaves in my underwear?
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