The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
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