I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
