I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
