i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
