she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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