I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
