omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
