so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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