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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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