Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
50% drunk capacity currently
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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