my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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