My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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