i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
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