Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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