I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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