Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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