two words: eviction party
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
