your parents love me but you hate me
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
