so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
