Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
