All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
