Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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