Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
