new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
