she looked like the before picture.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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