dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
