I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
