Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
