A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
