the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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