My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
