I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
