I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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