So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
