Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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