so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
