dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
