it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
