do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
