i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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