Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
