Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
