I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
