You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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