it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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