I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
