Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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