There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
