1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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