dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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