My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
