i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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